Men who Choose to use DFV
Last updated May 23, 2023
Men are more likely to use DFV. However, DFV occurs throughout all age, socio economic, demographic groups and across genders.
Practice point
Create a respectful and invitational space by supporting the person, not the behaviour. Prioritise safety, and do not collude or engage in an accusatory manner as this may increase the risk to the victim and children.
Starting the conversation
Focus on ways of building rapport without colluding with his attitudes and belief systems that he uses to minimize and condone his use of violence, and to blame or pathologise others.
You want to engage him without agreeing with his minimisation or denial regarding his use of violence, and without agreeing with his attitudes or beliefs that he uses to justify or condone his violence.
Start broadly and narrow the conversation depending on his responses
Using phrases like these can help build collaboration in a non-threatening way:
- ‘Can you help me understand…’
- ‘Is it okay if I ask about…’
- ‘Can I be up front with you…’
Be curious and explore the narrative backwards without colluding
If he tolerates general questions, ask more specific questions about the violence. Carefully monitor his response and tolerance.
- “When you were screamed at and had a plate thrown at you, what happened before that?”
- “And what was happening before then?”
- “And before then?”
Respond and encourage empathy through curiosity
Encourage empathy for how his partner/kids are experiencing his behaviour, rather than his intentions or identity.
- “What was it like for her?”
- “Where were the kids when this happened?”
- “What would have been like for them to hear that? Or see mum scared of dad?”
Keep Safety in the foreground
Don’t engage in an accusatory manner (oppositional, challenging, judging him, telling him his behaviour is bad or arguing with him) as it can make him disengage, resist, shame or anger him, increasing the risk of him choosing to use violence toward his ex/partner. Also, don’t bring attention to anything his current/former partner has said, as that could put them at further risk.
Men who choose to use DFV come from all socio-economic backgrounds.
The use of violence and abuse is a choice and the responsibility of this choice lays with the user of violence and abuse. They have the agency to make non-violence and non-abuse choices.
Language or behaviour that could indicate that the person is using abuse and violence
- Stating they use behaviour that is abusive or violent
- Displaying jealous or controlling behaviours
- Sexist or misogynistic attitudes or comments
- Stating they have had a big fight, or anger issues
- Always accompanying the partner or family member to appointments
- Controlling the partner or family member’s appointments such as, talking over, making decisions for, or otherwise undermining the partner or family member
- Minimises the partner or family members physical or psychological injuries, or overstates the partner or family member’s mental illness to discredit them
- Blames the partner or family member for their own problems or behaviours
- Apparent problems with managing stress and anxiety
- Being silent, defensive, refusing to answer questions, or being overly talkative and sometimes foul, overly compliant, smiling too much, being too present
- Being violent or abusive toward the partner or family member in the waiting room, or invading the partner or family member’s space
- Shows demeaning, aggressive, or dismissive attitudes towards female professionals
- The behaviour of the partner or family member, such as being quiet or submissive when the patient is present (Geldschläger, 2019)
Risk factors associated with people who use violence and abuse
- An attitude that supports violence against women or others
- Mental health problems
- Drug or alcohol misuse
- Stressful events
- Recent separation
- History of abusive or violent behaviour
- Adverse childhood experiences (Royal Australian College of General Practitioners, 2021)
Engage Roadmap
The Engage Roadmap is designed for frontline professionals who may come into contact with violent or abusive men.
The roadmap has four parts: Identification, Asking, Motivating, and Referring (Geldschläger, 2019). Download the complete Engage Roadmap
Disclosure
When a patient discloses that they are using violence, if it is safe to do so with the patient, it is encouraged to conduct a risk assessment to determine the safety of the partner, children, and any other people in the home. Using the GP DFV Action Plan or the Domestic Violence Safety Assessment Tool (DVSAT) can provide some guidance on the level of risk.
If you determine that the partner, children, or anyone else in the home is at threat utilise referrals as indicated on the refer page.
Assess Risk Safely
- The same principles apply when assessing the level of risk with person using abuse as with a victim/survivor
- The combined effects of entitlement-thinking, denial and other abuse-supporting narratives mean that you cannot rely on a user of abuse's account to determine the level of risk he poses to his children and ex-partner
- People using abuse also typically focus on physical behaviours and overlook a range of more subtle psychological or controlling forms of violence
- When meeting with an alleged user of abuse, safety also needs to be monitored throughout the appointment. Notice signs of agitation or threat, such as angry gestures, shouting or standing up. If there are concerns the appointment is becoming unsafe, avoid provocative issues and stop the appointment
- Do not lock horns or get into arguments
Referring Safely
Treatment for people who use DFV is participation in a behaviour change programs and ongoing maintenance programs. These programs require the patient to want to end their use of abuse and violence.
The following services may be a valuable steppingstone towards the patient being ready for change and patients can be referred to when it is safe to do so without agitating or escalating their behaviours.
Safety first when recommending referral options to the patient. Avoid bringing up things their former partner/partner has said when possible and avoid engaging in an accusatory or challenging manner.
Men’s Referral Service
Referral pathways and support for men who want to change their abusive and violent behaviour. Including the Brief Intervention Service (BIS). BIS is a flexible, multi-session service that is designed to intervene at a point in time to address risk as they begin the behaviour change journey by providing counselling support and referral options to assist men to get further support.
Men’s Line Australia
Telephone and online counselling service offering support for men, including those who use or are impacted by DFV.
1800 Respect
Support and referrals for anyone impacted by DFV, including victim/survivors, perpetrators, support people, and professionals.
Family Advocacy & Support Service (FASS)
Support service from Relationships NSW for male victims and perpetrators of domestic or family violence who are preparing to go to Family Court, at Family Court, or have recently had a Family Court matter finalised. Also assist men who have a family law or Apprehended Domestic Violence Orders (ADVO) issue and require assistance. Service also extends to people indirectly affected by family violence, such as extended family, grandparents and new partners experiencing DFV.
References
- Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2017). Personal Safety, Australia: Statistics for family, domestic, sexual violence, physical assault, partner emotional abuse, child abuse, sexual harassment, stalking and safety.
- Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. (2021). Family, domestic and sexual violence data in Australia.
- Donne, M. D., Deluca, J., Pleskach, P., Bromson, C., Mosley, M. P., Perez, E. T., . . . Frye, V. (2018). Barriers to and Facilitators of Help-Seeking Behavior Among Men Who Experience Sexual Violence. American Journal of Men’s Health, 118-201.
- Geldschläger, H. (Ed.). (2019). ENGAGE Roadmap for frontline professionals interacting with male perpetrators of domestic.